A Very Drunk Chocobo!
by TheHunter747
Summary: Cloud has just made it into SOLDIER, and Zack is determined to help him celebrate. But Zack being Zack, something is bound to go wrong. AU


A/N: This just popped into my head one day. Walking along and suddenly I wondered, 'What would Cloud do if he got drunk with Zack, Genesis, Angeal, and Sephiroth?' And thus, this fic was born. Probably going to be completely crack, so be warned. Oh, and it's AU, where no one flipped their wig. Disclaimer's on profile page.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BUSTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No way, Zack."

"Aw, come on, Choco-Brains. You know you'll have fun. 'Sides, it's not like Angeal won't be there too. He never gets drunk, so you'll be fine."

"Argh, fine. But only because Angeal will be keeping an eye on things."

And so with that, Cloud Strife and Zack Fair set out to a small club in Midgar to celebrate Cloud's successful entry into the SOLDIER program. And, Zack being Zack, the Demon Trio of Wutai would be joining them for the celebrations.

"Angeal, remind me again why we are here?"

Genesis managed to butt in to the conversation before Angeal said anything. "Because, Sephy, Zack's bringing his friend out to celebrate becoming a SOLDIER, and it's not a party with just two people!"

"Even so, surely the boy has friends in his own classes to celebrate with?"

"Actually, Sephiroth, he doesn't. He's the underdog in every class, yet he manages to make it to SOLDIER a year before his classmates. He seems determined to prove himself. Thus, when Zack informed me of the situation, I agreed to-"

"We get it, 'Geal! Save the speeches and shove something down your throat already!"

Genesis promptly burst out laughing at his own-fully intentional- joke, and even Sephiroth smirked at Angeal's misfortune. Fortunately, Zack and Cloud chose that point to arrive, saving Angeal from further ritual humiliation.

"Hey, 'Geal! Sephy! Genesis!"

"Oh, what, no nickname for me?" Genesis pouted, then noticed Cloud, hanging back behind Zack and looking nervous. "Hey, who's the chocobo?"

"Genesis! That's Zack's friend, Cloud! Be polite."

"Oh, um, it-uh, it's a-alright, s-sir."

Zack took this as his cue to speak again. " Cloud, that's Angeal. The silverette is Sephiroth, but you knew that already. And the loud one is Genesis."

"HEY! I object to that statement!"

Sephiroth picked up an empty bottle, then smashed it down on Genesis' head. When the redhead looked at him angrily, he simply said "Overruled."

That finally got a smile to grace Cloud's lips, and the annoyance at Sephiroth was forgotten, as Genesis suddenly glomped the poor terrified blonde.

"Smile more often, you look adorable when you do!"

"Well, before Genesis strangles our newest SOLDIER, I suggest we order a round of drinks."

The idea of liqour was highly appealing to Genesis, and so while still glomping the now amused Cloud, dragged them both over to the seats, where he reluctantly stopped glomping the blonde. Once everyone had their drinks- wine for Angeal, rum and coke for Sephiroth, and Zack insisted that he, Cloud and Genesis should all have what he called the 'James Bond'; a medium-dry vodka martini with a thin lemon peel- the five of them clinked their glasses together in a mock toast. Cloud decided at that point, to break the ice.

"To President Shinra. Long may he break every chair he sits on!"

That even got Sephiroth to laugh, while Genesis and Zack fell about like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard before. Angeal had taken a drink from his wine before Cloud made the toast, and so ended up spitting a mouthful of wine all over the tabletop, before also laughing.

"Dude, you will definetely make it in SOLDIER! Ha ha, that was brilliant!"

"Break every chair he sits on! Hah!"

Five hours later, and they were in varying states of inebriation. Looking round, Cloud noticed that Angeal was still mostly sober, with the occassional hiccup. Sephiroth was slightly less sober, but not completely smashed yet either. Zack was hugging the table, which according to Angeal was par for the course. And Genesis was... SWEET SHIVA, Genesis was dancing shirtless on someone else's table! Cloud tried to look away, he really did, but it was like his eyes were made of metal, and Genesis' abs were the worlds strongest magnet. Finally wrenching his eyes away, Cloud noticed, through some sort of fog-who turned on the smoke machines? he absently wondered- that everyone else was watching Genesis as well. For some reason this angered the blonde, especially when he overheard two women at the bar wondering about the size of Genesis' unmentionables.

"Hey, Cloud, this is the seventh time I've asked, are you okay?"

"Uh...yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you're resting your chin on the table while holding your drink on top of your head."

He was? Cloud didn't remember that at all, and when he saw what he was drinking, he was even more confused. When had he started drinking this... fruity cocktail thing? 'Ah, screw it' said his brain, and he chugged the rest of the glass down in one- a pretty extraordinary act, considering there was about half a pint of alcohol in the glass. By now, the fog was thicker, but Cloud didn't remember Zack saying anything about there _being_ any smoke machines at the club. And...what was he thinking about again? Oh yeah, Genesis and his smexy abs. Speaking of which, he was suddenly somehow dancing next to said redhead, and said smexy abs, and...HOLY IFRIT, when did he become shirtless too? 'Like I said before, screw it' his brain told him once more, before leaving for a vacation- at least, that was what Cloud thought happened, since after that thought, he couldn't think anymore. Out of the corner of his eye, Cloud vaguely saw Angeal with a video camera.

~~~~_The next morning_~~~~

"Oh, my head. What happened last night?"

Sitting up slowly, Cloud quickly became aware of an intense white glare that was, in reality, just the light from outside his window. He also became aware of an angry throbbing pain from his left asscheek. As quickly as was possible, he headed over to his full-length mirror, and looked at where the source of the pain was.

"ZACHARY FAIR!"

The first indication that the Shinra Elites and Zack got of Cloud's arrival/ their impending doom was when the door to their apartment was kicked open, and a very angry blonde-headed SOLDIER grabbed Zack by the shoulders, before implementing the Knee to the Groin 5000 martial arts move. The three generals winced, while Zack simply opted for yelling out "FUCK" and hopping around the room clutching his male pride-or shame, as Genesis constantly kidded him-while being glared at by Cloud. And as even the Silver Demon of Wutai would later attest to, everyone in the room at that point shat bricks, himself included.

"Er...Cloud?"

"What!"

"Why did you do that?"

"Because...he...he...just look!"

With this, Cloud turned around and dropped his pants and underwear. Angeal's eyes widened, Sephiroth snorted, and Genesis simply said "I don't see the problem".

Tattooed across Cloud's backside were the two simple words, 'Genesis's Bitch'.

"Oh, that's what you're mad about. Heh heh. Yeah, sorry, but that thing's permanent."

Cloud stole Sephiroth's move, using the patented DeathGlare9000 on Zack, who had the decency to look repentant and guilty. "In my defence, we were drunk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SWORD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Yay, Genesis/Cloud! I've recently discovered an unusual love for this pairing. Also, yay for Zack hugging tables! These are things that have happened to some of my friends while drunk, so I figured I would work them into a story. As always, be sure to favourite, alert, and review! Might do more to this if people want me to, but for now it's just a oneshot.


End file.
